Guilt-free Guide to a Freer Mind

You owe nobody nothing. You owe yourself everything.

I know we’ve all gone through it. The feeling of being dragged or feeling forced to do something because the alternative is, well, too unpleasant to think about. You feel “guilty” if you don’t. I get it. You badly want to rid yourself of that feeling so you can live in peace and simply enjoy your life.

So, how to battle that aching feeling?

Here are a few guidelines that help free the mind of guilt and transform that icky feeling and allow you to live more freely!

Before really diving into the steps, I think it’s important to acknowledge that the guilt is there for a reason. Everything in your life serves as a lesson. So, one thing you need to ask yourself is: why do I feel guilty? What will happen if I don’t do (insert x)?

When you’re feeling out of place, your body, soul, and mind are trying to tell you something. Guilt often comes from not wanting to disappoint others or feeling you're letting them down. I know the feeling of wanting to please your parents, not wanting to feel like the outcast among friends, hoping to be liked by your teachers, the list can go on. Here’s the thing, you’re not here to live anyone else’s life.

It’s your life. Your choices!

The fact is that nobody can make you into anything that you don’t allow. Truthfully, there will always be someone whose standards you’re not living up to or whose ambitions for you is not being met. Frankly, who cares?

One of the greatest pieces of advice I was ever taught: “what other people think of you is none of your business.” And it’s important to know that the people that love you think they know what’s best for you and they do want you to achieve all that you can, and the decisions you make, even if it differs from what they think you should do, doesn’t change that. It doesn’t change the person you are meant to become. You get to decide that! You are simply living on your own terms and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Still, that feeling of guilt persists, and it’s often really hard to let that feeling go, so here are a few mindfulness tips to help you.

Tip #1: OWN YOUR SH**

When that icky feeling of guilt creeps in, remind yourself to own what you’re doing! One of the things I’ve learned is to take confidence and to stand my ground in the decisions that I make! When you own your life, no one can mess with you!

Keep telling yourself over and over that this is what I choose to do because it’s what I believe is right for me. You simply say to someone, “thank you for your opinion and I appreciate your care, however, this is what I’m going to do, because it’s what I feel is best for me!”

Saying “no” is okay!!! To really solidify this tip, I highly recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. This book has given me so much of the confidence boost that I needed in order to make changes!

Remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation, and the more you take charge of and become proud of the things you’re doing, the less you will allow what others say affect you.

Tip #2: LET IT OUT

When you begin to feel guilty, allow yourself to feel the emotions. Get angry. Get sad. Get mad. Scream. Yell. Do what you need to do to let out those feelings. But be mindful of not letting those feelings take over. Feel them and let them go.

One of the things I’ve learned is that trying to immediately ignore the feeling of guilt or try fighting it, they end up persisting. I think it was Carl Jung that said, “what you resist persists.” So, don’t try and resist the feeling. Allow yourself to feel it, ask yourself why you’re feeling this way and what it’s there to show you, and then flow through it by taking deep breaths and letting out your feelings.

For this, I highly recommend journaling (whether it’s handwritten or you’re angrily clicking the keys on your keyboard), let it out. And since I am a huge fan of Barnes and Noble, they have a beautiful stationary section that you can check out here!

I have found that once you’ve allowed yourself to feel those feelings, recognize them for what they are, and then express them, they simply begin to dissipate. For me I’ve felt as if the feelings of guilt showed up to tell me something and then I had to tell it to f*** off because it’s not who I am, it’s simply something I am feeling.

I’ve also found that with guilt comes a lot, and I mean a lot, of anger, which is why writing things down, burning them even, or going outside and screaming out your anger, really really helps. It’s okay to be feeling these emotions, just don’t let them take over who you are and allow them to control your life. Here, expression is key! So, let it out and let it go!

Tip #3: IDENTIFYING THE CULPRIT---->FEAR

I’m sure by now you might be feeling a range of emotions that come with taking charge, standing your ground, and feeling angry. It’s normal and it’s okay! We’ve all been there.

One of the feelings that is also associated with guilt in addition to anger (usually at ourselves for feeling that way in the first place) is fear. Yes, fear. Fear of letting others down, but more so fear of standing up for ourselves, of saying “no,” of simply making decisions for ourselves without anyone else’s input or opinion.

This is, in my opinion, probably one of the most challenging parts of letting go of guilt. It's overcoming this fear aspect. And it’s important to remember that all these feelings go hand-in-hand. Guilt, anger, and fear are all connected in different ways. You must recognize them, feel them, express them, and do your best to let them go!

Recognizing the feeling of fear in my guilt has helped me in overcoming it. Once I realized I was more afraid of saying “no” to doing something, or to being somewhere, then I was able to begin making changes to start talking myself up and saying “yes” to what it was I did want.

For this, I have a couple of recommendations!

Firstly, if you haven’t read or heard of Dr. Joe Dispenza, I definitely recommend looking him up. He talks about replacing and transforming fear and you can see it here in this video. This is something that’ll inspire you to begin to transform these feelings and start living more freely.

It’s often way more daunting than it appears to be and, standing up for yourself and overcoming the fear of saying “no” will give you such an immense feeling of self-respect.

I’m not saying it’s super easy and I know it’s not. I am saying though that beginning this recognition and transformation will help you feel so much better!

I am also a big advocate of meditating, so any kind of music with frequency waves or healing waves and sitting and listening to that as you breathe and still your mind, brings a huge sense of peace and relief.

I guarantee once you begin to target these emotions and work towards transforming them little by little, your feelings of fear and guilt will slowly transform, and you will start to feel more in control of your life!

Now, I know it’s not always easy to follow these steps in direct moments of someone asking, “Hey! Can you meet for lunch?” (and you really don’t want to, but you’d feel guilty saying “no” because you usually find an excuse and you’re running out of them---I’ve been there too). It's not like you can just start meditating on that spot, but you can always begin by learning to say "no" in different ways. Try phrasing it like: "I have plans already. Thank you. Enjoy." And simply walk away, knowing that you were honest while working on your "no" muscles.

It's a superpower to be able to do that, so practice it!

If you’re here and you’ve made it to the end of reading this, then you definitely want to transform this guilt feeling that seems to be a constant in your life and I commend you for wanting to do that! I know it’s not easy, but it does get easier! Simply incorporate different sets of practices or even different responses to your feelings, and slowly, but surely, you will start to feel freer!

Winnie the Pooh said it best, “You are braver than you believe, smarter than you seem, and stronger than you think.”

If you’re looking for more tips, please feel free to reach out via booking a session here and we can go through many more ways and even create a game-plan to conquer these emotions and live more freely!